Losing: a TV pilot script I wrote

Read the pilot I wrote that was named a finalist in the Set in Philadelphia Screenwriting Contest

I used to be a lot heavier.

When I was 26, I weighed somewhere around 400 pounds. I say “somewhere around” because I’m not even sure exactly how big I was. I know that at one point a scale told me that I weighed 365 pounds and that after that point I didn’t step on a scale again for at least two more years. I also know that I didn’t get any smaller during those two years.

In that two-year span, I graduated from college, got my first out-of-college full-time job, lost my mom (to death, not, like, in the woods), lost my job (due to getting fired because I had a job as a cell phone salesperson and I did not care if anybody bought a cell phone from me) and then decided to lose the weight.

It wasn’t the first time that I “tried” to lose weight. But it was the first time I stuck with it long enough to make a lasting change. And then I was changed. And then I didn’t know “who I was” anymore. I always identified as a “fat guy” and now I was no longer a “fat guy” on the outside but I still felt like a “fat guy” on the inside. I had to figure out who I was again.

Many years later, I wrote a spec TV pilot about that time. In the show, the main character (me) presents to the audience how he “feels inside” based on who he’s interacting with at the moment. Some people make him feel like a fat, pimply, high-school dork. Others make him feel like a powerless little kid. Other times, he feels like he has to be a parent to his sisters. It’s a deeply personal representation of trying to figure out who you are — and only seeing yourself as the way you think other people see you.

I’m pretty proud of it. I think it’s funny, has heart, and probably needs a new ending (how it ends right now is pretty corny). It also was chosen as a finalist in the 2021 Set in Philadelphia screenwriting competition. I think that is pretty cool.

Talking about weight and weight loss is weird. From fat-shaming to body positivity there’s an entire spectrum of thoughts and opinions about people’s bodies and weight and no matter where somebody stands in that spectrum it’s bound to make somebody else mad. It’s a deeply personal subject for a lot of people, myself included and I try to have a nuanced opinion about it. Is being as heavy as I was healthy? No. But hating yourself for being fat is also not healthy. It’s a crazy spiral and there are so many factors that come into play and are different for everybody so I can really only speak to my own experience. I’m glad that I eventually lost weight, but I’m also glad I eventually started liking myself more and treating myself better — and not just as a way to change or because I changed, but just because I should be kind to myself.

It took a lot for me to write this. I worry that talking about weight loss in my comedy could come off as gimmicky. I avoided doing any stand-up material or writing about it for a long time. I think that ultimately helped because when I finally decided to I had been able to think about it for a while and had a bit of distance and perspective on everything. If you’d like to read it, I’ve made it available here for premium subscribers.

If you’re in the entertainment industry and want to read it (so you can represent me as a manager or agent, or hire me as a screenwriter, or buy the show or something) then get in touch with me via email and I will send it to you. Same thing goes for real-life friends — you can read this too if you just reach out and ask. Everybody else, sorry, I have to keep some stuff behind a pawall here. If you don’t want to pay, you can refer some friends to subscribe and you’ll receive a free premium subscription based on how many people (free or paid) you get to join my newsletter. That’s pretty cool too.